Solo travel and unwanted attention
I traveled solo for years before marrying a fellow free-spirit this last summer. We're in Peru right now, and I've been doing a lot of thinking about the difference it makes walking the streets with Rob.
Over at lets.go.girl magazine, AJ had a post about being the guy who deflects unwanted attention from his female friends, and how to handle a delicate situation without reinforcing the patriarchal structures that created it in the first place: She's With Me.
That got me thinking about how even though it rankles, my natural defense against unwanted advances has always been to claim a husband (no longer a lie). I wrote a post about defending against men by proving you're already owned and thus unavailable: On Damsels in Distress.
Any thoughts, galavanting ladies? As strong and independent women (we are traveling the globe, after all!), is it worth trying to change how men react? Is there harm in playing into the ownership games, or are some white lies no big deal?
This has been on my mind a lot lately, and I'd love to hear some feedback!
Over at lets.go.girl magazine, AJ had a post about being the guy who deflects unwanted attention from his female friends, and how to handle a delicate situation without reinforcing the patriarchal structures that created it in the first place: She's With Me.
That got me thinking about how even though it rankles, my natural defense against unwanted advances has always been to claim a husband (no longer a lie). I wrote a post about defending against men by proving you're already owned and thus unavailable: On Damsels in Distress.
Any thoughts, galavanting ladies? As strong and independent women (we are traveling the globe, after all!), is it worth trying to change how men react? Is there harm in playing into the ownership games, or are some white lies no big deal?
This has been on my mind a lot lately, and I'd love to hear some feedback!
Tags: catcalls, solo, travel, women
Views: 6
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Pamela Weis on -
I don't know how much we can change the way men react to us since they may have their own cultures and histories that are completely foreign to us. However, we can change how we respond. I have certainly had this unwanted attention abroad and at home. Sometimes, like in Ghana, you just have to deal with it and it's harmless. Men in Ghana want to marry all white female tourists. I am not kidding. It is rather startling but mostly just irritating after awhile.
So I think it is a combination of being flexible and lighthearted but also being aware that safety could be an issue. For example, this sort of attention on the streets of Nairobi or even where I live in Jersey City has the potential to be scary. Usually it's not, but for that .5% of the time that it is, I choose to be on my guard at all times. And yes, sometimes that means telling people I am married or engaged. My feeling is that it's unfortunate but the men of the world just haven't caught up with us yet.
There are those occasions when you are able to get to know a man while traveling and may have some influence over his thinking. Jump at those chances. If he respects you, explain to him how women like to be treated...and how they don't. Anyway, I'm sure other women here will have a diverse range of opinions.
One quick final note - in some places in the world (and among certain types of men), telling a man that you are married only eggs him on more. I'm not sure what the best thing is for those situations, but it's food for thought. -
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