Unisex Coed Bathroom, Our First Experience

I thought I would share this recent experience from our travels with my new TBEX friends.

When you travel as much as we do, you are very likely to come across situations that leave you in a most awkward and confused state. This is particularly true when you travel in different cultures.

Little did I know that I would happen across such an experience in our recent 10-day journey to San Diego.

You see, we were staying in San Diego's "newest ultra-chic" hotel, Sé San Diego, and dining in their fine dining restaurant, Suite and Tender.

Little did we know, until we were given a tour of the hotel the next day, that this fine dining restaurant possessed a unisex coed bathroom.

Now, I am not certain that I even said that right.

Unisex, because both can use it. Right?

And coed, because both can use it at the same time??

Anyway, as we were packing our belongings, on the last morning of our stay, I said to Carol, "let's go down to that coed bathroom, and shoot a few photographs. It might make for interesting conversation for our on-line magazine."

So, down to the hotel's second floor we went, and marched into this foreboding place.

My first impulse, and likely a ridiculous one at that, was to cry out, HELLO!? I was somewhat relieved to hear no response, but I did hear a toilet flush. And then I heard a toilet flush again. Seeing as no one had responded, I figured that one of the toilets must be malfunctioning. It never occurred to me that perhaps someone was actually using the bathroom, and had no inclination to respond back to some dweeb crying hello in the bathroom!

Anyway, we took a few photographs, and noticed how thick the granite bathroom stalls were. I thought to myself, it is good that these walls are thick as my recollection of men in bathroom stalls in a symphony of vulgarity that is best not shared with the opposite sex in a fine restaurant.

Carol and I continued to confab about this bathroom, wondered about the motive behind its construction, and we wondered even more what shock it must bring to some of the patrons. I am certain that my Midwestern Dutch grandmother would die before she would enter this bathroom.

Then it happened. While we were talking. A toilet flushed again, and out walks a young woman while I am standing their with my camera.

Now instantly a number of things flashed through my mind:

Oh no! She's going to think I am a pervert standing here with my camera.
Then my mind flashed, how am I supposed to behave? I realized that all the flushing I was hearing were probably "courtesy flushes" from this young woman. And further, to my dread, I am quiet certain that she must have wondered who the dweeb was that was previously calling out hello. And still further, as we had been milling around in the bathroom for about 10 minutes, she was probably a little uncomfortable coming out to who knows what?

My guess is that she had been listening to our conversations, determined that we were not a threat, and decided to make her exit from the granite stall.

When my eyes made contact with her, I am quite certain that I said to myself, "Just act normal. Pretend that this is an everyday occurrence. Why you are frequently in a bathroom with a strange woman." What? I thought to myself, no I'm not!"

As she approached the sink to wash her hands, there were words exchanged. You know, small talk kinds of stuff. But, I have absolutely no recollection of what we talked about.

I stood there kind of motionless. I think. I glanced over at my wife, who was far more comfortable with the situation. She was thankfully picking up the conversation, and then the woman dried her hands and walked out of the bathroom.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah", I said to my wife. "But, if that had been a man coming out of that stall, you would have felt just as awkward."

We both smiled, and walked out of the bathroom.

As I look back on this experience, I suppose it was no big deal. There was certainly a great deal of thought given to assure privacy. But, I can't imagine sending my wife off to such a place, in a busy bar, with a bunch of inebriated men hanging around.

What are your thoughts? Have you ever been in a unisex, coed bathroom?

Tags: Baby, Boomers, Diego, Roaming, San, Scottsdale

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Comment by Karen van der Zee on September 27, 2010 at 6:27am: In all my travels around the world I've seen lots of bathrooms and toilets, many of them quite scary (with fear of falling through rotting boards down into the hole) but I've never seen a unisex bathroom. I enjoyed your story and wonder if these unisex bathrooms are a sign of the future. I'm sure for most people it would take some getting used to.

www.lifeintheexpatlane.com

Comment by Jeremy Branham on September 22, 2010 at 12:38pm: My first experience was this was many years ago in Toronto. In the gay and lesbian area of the city (FYI - one of the biggest in North America), I went into a coffee shop where the bathrooms were co-ed. Luckily, I was all alone in there but like you, this experience stuck out to me as well. I remember it vividly and that was over 15 years ago! It's just something we aren't used to here in America!

Comment by Alexandra Korey on August 2, 2010 at 12:18pm: in Italy, coed bathrooms are very common. It is also common for the "stalls" to be fully walled things, but this doesn't mean that you cannot hear anything going on next door. Two coed cans I have disliked are:
-my office. Yes, i pee, and my male boss can be right next to me. That akward moment when you have to use the sink...
-at school - various study abroad universities at which i have worked have had either single or double washrooms that are coed. As a student, i dreaded running into my male professors there. As a professor, I dreaded running into my students, in general!

Comment by The Roaming Boomers on July 20, 2010 at 6:59am: Thanks Margaret.

Comment by Margaret Antkowski on July 19, 2010 at 7:01pm: A very awkward situation, but I think you handled it quite well. Thanks for sharing - I'm sure we will be seeing more and more of these types of bathrooms as they become the new cheeky trend at restaurants and hotels.

Comment by The Roaming Boomers on July 15, 2010 at 9:22am: Thanks Gray. This was certainly one of those experiences that stopped us in our tracks for a moment.

Comment by Gray Cargill on July 15, 2010 at 9:00am: OMG, this is hilarious! I have not been in a coed bathroom before, and I hope I never have to. That would just be too awkward for words. Funny to read about, not so funny to live it. :-)

Comment by The Roaming Boomers on July 14, 2010 at 5:06pm: Thanks!

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Comment by The Roaming Boomers on July 6, 2010 at 1:13pm: You crack me up! I bet she was wondering what we were doing out there. I figured there was a defective toilet with all that flushing. It didn't dawn on me that there might be a person in there. ACK!